i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
