Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
