If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
