He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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