FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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