the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
