I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
