Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
