can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
