hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
