Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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