I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
