I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
