ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
