i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
