plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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