she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
