dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
