I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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