What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
