my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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