hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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