Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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