That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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