I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
