When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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