he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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