We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
