I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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