I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
