omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
