The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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