im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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