Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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