All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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