I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
