lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
