Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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