It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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