You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
