Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
