Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
