You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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