Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
