I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
