so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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