we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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