Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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