If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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