You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
