Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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