You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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