You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
