somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
