i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
