I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
