I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
