I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
