i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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