I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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