9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
