i jhust puked up my retainher.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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