Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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