I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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