I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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