Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need a burrito and a hug.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
