he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
