were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
