i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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