Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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