I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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